Romancing A Stone

topic posted Sun, June 28, 2009 - 9:42 PM by  Timbo Nehead
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So, a really good friend of mine has kidney stones regularly. What would you suggest that my friend do about this very painful habit forming addiction of his.
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  • Re: Romancing A Stone

    Mon, June 29, 2009 - 1:07 PM
    They break these up with ultrasound, right?
    He ("your friend") should go to punk rock gigs and stand by the amps. The sound waves will break up the kidney stones to a powder tthat will pass painlessly when he urinates.
    He must certainly not wear earplugs as this would slow the process.
  • Re: Romancing A Stone

    Tue, June 30, 2009 - 5:04 AM
    Prepare him a meal containing soybean crackers, rhubarb, spinach, beets, swiss char, wheat germ, okra, with sweet potatoes on the side, black Indian tea as a beverage, and chocolate covered peanuts for dessert.
    • Re: Romancing A Stone

      Tue, June 30, 2009 - 6:15 AM
      He's just waiting for someone to help him break those kidney stones into smaller, more urethra friendly kidney pebbles.
      Next time you see him, surprise him with several swift kicks to the bladder~
  • Re: Romancing A Stone

    Wed, July 1, 2009 - 12:21 AM
    HE SHOULD GO FROM ONE COAST TO THE OTHER. USING A SERIES OF MODES OF TRANSPORTATION, LIKE FIRST A CAR, THEN THE BUS, THEN A PLANE, AND THEN CROSS A RIVER IN A TUGBOAT, AND THEN MAYBE A TRAIN OR A DONKEY.
    • Re: Romancing A Stone

      Wed, July 1, 2009 - 11:16 AM
      Stone Cold Steve Austin could shove a beercan up his pee hole, then give him a stunner.
      • Re: Romancing A Stone

        Wed, July 1, 2009 - 1:23 PM
        Ah, memories. I remember at my first job, when I was only 17, some 40-year old geezer insisted on telling me about his kidney stone, and told me with crazy eyes how he would have gladly cut it out of himself if only somebody had handed him a rusty knife. There's something really wrong about telling a virgin about something bad coming out of your pee pee hole.
        • Re: Romancing A Stone

          Wed, July 1, 2009 - 2:41 PM
          The one I had came halfway down my member while I was waiting for Blue Cross to give me a referral.

          I finally fished it out with a tool I had made from a large paperclip.
        • Re: Romancing A Stone

          Wed, July 1, 2009 - 5:32 PM
          Good thing you're not a virgin anymore...

          wink, wink, nudge, nudge
          • Re: Romancing A Stone

            Wed, July 1, 2009 - 6:42 PM
            I'm glad I have a short pee hole.

            Here you go: just cut the whole durn thing off!
            • Re: Romancing A Stone

              Wed, July 1, 2009 - 7:14 PM
              Actually, finding the right piece of wire was the challenge.

              It needed to be rigid, but narrow.

              Most paperclips would have worked on a shorter bit of urethera,
              but I had to settle for something a little thicker than I would have preferred in order to get deep enough in there.

              Once it was dislodged from the inflamed tissue immediately surrounding it, I probably could have just squeezed it out,
              but I wanted to get it over with, since I now had a loop jammed in there in such a way that the stone probably needed to come out first.

              The last thing I needed was a kidney stone and a mangled paperclip squirting with a liter of bloody urine out into my pants while I was
              on the job massaging the feet of someone listening to new age music.

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